Cracked Goes to Japan: 4 Dramatic Differences From Japanese TV

Very little very normal porn

Is there porn on Japanese TV? Yes of course. It’s also incredibly tame: things go into things, sometimes leave other things behind, and never involve live squid. For really weird content, you have to go online like everyone else. It’s also where you’ll find all those “WTF real bizarre Japanese gameshow” videos where, I don’t know, a bunch of guys stick their d’s (which here does NOT mean “Data”) through holes in a sheet, then a woman does a taste test on them to figure out which one slept with her mother last night?

I feel stupid even to have to say this, but what I just described is porn. Porn specifically made for pornographic purposes, with a script that was just a Xeroxed dictionary definition of “pornography” and a note that said “just improvise the rest”. Everyone involved in these types of videos are professional porn actors (well, at least the women are; the guys probably get paid ~$7 if they are lucky.)

But apparently, because it’s from Japan, people assume that this kind of stuff comes right after the evening news like “…and interest rates should go up next year. Then stay tuned for the latest episode of Yummy Yummy who slept with my mom.” Now, that being said, there is one thing I would like to discuss in more detail.

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A few years ago, the internet went wild over a video called “Orgasm Wars”, in which a gay man was tasked with knocking a straight porn actor off to orgasm. He succeeded. The full mouth embrace was masked, so it definitely wasn’t porno-porn, but it seemed to fit the definition of a Japanese erotic game show, which means they ARE real, isn’t it? it not? It is complicated. The Challenge was a never-rehearsed segment on Let Me Unzip You by Yoshimi Tokui, a comedy variety show that features pornographic actors/escorts but rarely does anything more explicit than go down on a melon. (Whether that tie is SFW or NSFW depends on your boss’ stance on the sexy side of fruit.)

Marie A. Evans